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WHEN YOU THINK OF THE WORST THINGS IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, WHAT COMES TO MIND? WAR? FAMINE? MISSING A 50% OFF SALE ON JIMMY CHOOS? WELL, I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE ALL WRONG.
THE WORST THINGS EVER ARE SIMPLE THINGS, THINGS YOU’VE PROBABLY ALL SEEN OR HAD THE EXTREME MISFORTUNE OF DEALING WITH AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER IN YOUR REGRETTABLY TERRIBLE LIVES. THE CULPRIT COULD BE LYING IN WAIT RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE AS YOU READ THIS POST AND YOU WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW IF IT WEREN’T FOR MY WELL-TIMED ADVICE AND GUIDANCE.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I PRESENT TO YOU THE MOST HEINOUS, TORTUROUS *THING* THAT HAS EVER BEEN IMAGINED AND SUBSEQUENTLY BROUGHT INTO REALITY.
YES, THAT’S RIGHT. THAT BASTARD RIGHT THERE IS THE COMPLETE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE AND HAS BEEN FOR AT LEAST THE PAST SIXTEEN HOURS OF THIS ADMITTEDLY SHITTY DAY. ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU ALL WHY RUBIK’S CUBES SUCK AND WHY I HAVE BROKEN THREE OF THEM IN THE PAST MONTH.
FIRST OF ALL, SOLVING THE DAMN THING. YOU GET ONE SIDE PERFECT THEN GET TO WORK ON THE OTHER SIDES AND THEN WHOOPS YOU JUST SCREWED UP THE SIDE YOU ALREADY SOLVED LMAO ROTFLOL WTF BBQ AND WHATNOT. SO THEN YOU’RE PISSED BECAUSE WOW, THAT SIDE TOOK A LONG TIME TO SOLVE AND NOW YOU HAVE TO COMPLETELY REDO IT? FUCK THAT.
SECOND, THE SEVEN-STEP SOLUTION GUIDE, ON THE RARE CHANCE THAT YOU HAVEN’T LOST IT OR ACCIDENTALLY THROWN IT AWAY, GIVES ALMOST NO VIABLE HELP AT ALL. YOU GET TO LIKE STEP SIX AND ATTEMPT STEP SEVEN AND THEN EVERYTHING BLOWS UP IN YOUR FACE AND YOU’RE LEFT SITTING THERE WITH SINGED EYEBROWS AND THE CUBE OF SATAN IN YOUR CHARRED HAND, DUMBSTRUCK AND WONDERING HOW YOU’RE GOING TO PUT OUT THE FIRE IN YOUR HAIR.
AS FOR THE THIRD REASON, IT TIES INTO SOMETHING I’VE HEARD FROM A FEW PEOPLE NOW ABOUT PEELING OFF THE STICKERS AND PUTTING THEM IN THE “CORRECT” POSITIONS. BUT THE PROBLEM WITH THAT METHOD IS THAT IF YOU’RE FEELING ESPECIALLY MASOCHISTIC ONE DAY AND DECIDE TO SCRAMBLE IT AGAIN AND TRY TO SOLVE IT, IT’S NOW UNSOLVABLE BECAUSE GUESS WHAT, YOU FUCKED IT UP.
THAT’S PRETTY MUCH HOW I’VE ENDED UP BREAKING THEM. DON’T JUDGE ME.
TL;DR RUBIK’S CUBES SUCK AND THEY ARE THE PLASTIC AND ADHESIVE SPAWN OF THE DEVIL HIMSELF.
It is good to know that life holds no further torment for me, as I solved one of these when I was six.
My soul is at last at peace.
I read this in a Karkat voice.
Is that bad?
(Source: equitemsanguine)
